typically random ramblings and late night dribble.
i’d forgotten how much i liked bands like gin blossoms. feeling very friday today, predicting not getting much done workwise. god bless you tube.
my playlist (what i can remember of it) so far this morning:
something for kate - deja vu
gin blossoms - various
matthew sweet - sick of myself
thirsty merc - someday someday
jackson browne - running on empty
angsty.
edit: forgot one. nizlopi - jcb song
they’ve taken their sweet time about it, but bonzai/progrez have finally put a sample of dj fire’s closest thing to heaven up on their website and because i said i’d link it when they did, here it is:
jessyel at dailysnap.com - we didn’t ask to come here. priceless.
i’m so fucking tired of my job. i have no idea where this rant is going to go, but that’s the crux of it, right there. i’m sick to death of putting out people’e fires and only having things offered to me (and in some cases, offers withdrawn) because there’s a ‘need’. what that means is that there’s a gap somewhere that needs to be filled and that almost always means a move sideways. i don’t want to go sideways anymore, i want to go forwards. i’m here in stockholm because a previous manager saw a need for me to be here to achieve certain goals, none of which i feel have been achieved (through no fault of my own of course) and since the specifics of the plan were so woolly, i’ve been pushed from pillar to post trying to find my place in the organisation. i’ve had at least six out of my nine months here not really knowing exactly what the hell i was supposed to be doing or where i was going. i took that manager on faith, because he’s a friend and because he’s managed to steer me in the right direction on previous occasions. unfortunately for me, this time he didn’t quite get it right.
i have infront of me now what many people might consider a great opportunity, because it involves another international move (how glamorous) and the possibility to enter a position which is potentially wide open for me to ‘make my own’. usually what that means though is that you’re so busy doing the work of three people that you don’t have time to make it your own. the position i see having been offered to me not only involves doing exactly the same work as i’m doing currently, for bigger clients with larger volumes, but also involves inventing processes and procedures and engaging in system development to make those large volumes easier to deal with. there’s also a 20% component of an almost unrelated job, meaning i only have 80% of my time to devote to those other two fulltime jobs.
it’s the process and system development that i’m interested in, and have been telling people for quite a while. whilst in some respects this looks like a good opportunity to get involved in that, as i said, the sheer volume of work involved in the day to day grind could very well prevent me from doing a great deal of work in that area. either that or it will involve me working stupidly long hours and not getting paid enough.
the other part of this is the relocation. it’s a massive pain. it’s expensive, time consuming and stressful and i’m still recovering from the first one. particularly on the financial front. sure work covers some of the expenses, but it really doesn’t add up to much in the long run. i have to find somewhere to live, in a city i don’t know, that’s ridiculously expensive to live in. moreso than stockholm. i also have to do all of this by myself.
of course there are benefits. the social situation there (london) is better than here. people speak english, they go to the pub with their workmates, there are people there that i know from melbourne. building a social circle here is pretty hard, because people don’t generally socialise with their workmates, and when work is all you have, meeting people is next to impossible.
on top of all of this, there’s the point i started with. i’m sick of this job, and i think it’s partly because i’m sick of the industry. i have zero job satisfaction at the moment and there are so many other things i’d rather be doing. i guess it’s the same for everyone, but all these things i’d rather be doing i have no experience with and the only way to get experience would be to dump what i’m doing and either, start doing something else for little or no money, or to go to university. i don’t really like the idea of significantly reducing my earning capacity at my stage in life.
so i dunno. i don’t know if i keep pushing on here trying to get to a position where i’m not being so reactive all the time and i’m a step away from the front lines, no longer doing the grunt work most of the time. i don’t know if that will improve my outlook on the industry as a whole. it may. there’s just so much shit going around in my head at the moment and i don’t see a clear path forwards. that’s troubling, and i’m running out of time, in more ways than one.
anyways, fuck, shit, piss. you know. all that text and i still don’t think i’ve exactly articulated the problem.
according to this column by jeremy clarkson, hammond is up and about and referring to james may as ‘cock face’. i guess that means he’s feeling better.
i remember however princess diana, and probably more notably (in my life at least) a friend of my mother both seeming perfectly okay after their respective car crashes, to the point of being up and about and checking on the wellbeing of others involved only to collapse and die with essentially no warning. still, it sounds like ‘the little bloke from top gear’ is through the worst of it and hopefully on his way to making a full recovery.